where my soul
rests in divinity;
What was once
For NowDo not look at me;
I am covered in disgrace
Languid like the taste of your lungs
Your breath on mine,
Forevermore and forever always
Entangled fingertips, we are lost
Waiting for the clock to turn it's hands
Frozen in time until you return
Safe and sound into my arms
Until then we are nothing
But two people
With broken hearts.
DeconstructionI don't like
the lost souls
a mouth full of smoke
how not to become a poet.we are the poets of this society
painting pictures of lost love &
suicidal feelings with our tongues
that so creatively mourn for their mothers
& broken homes, we crave redemption
open your eyes, let them bloom
into irises, fully aware and thriving
like a work of nature (you really are beautiful)
there are sunflower kisses, in heaven—
the future, as we know it
(we are nothing, but organisms
searching for purpose in darkness)
& we ache for a love, so supernatural
that it does not exist
we are born, we love
we die (
until there is nothing left, but
the corpse of a once corrupted soul
corroded bones & rotted teeth,
rattled with unspoken things
& there's a storm, just
coming up the horizon
prepared & waiting
are you ready to
spread your cellophane
wings & fly?
no more stealing
your mother's goddamn lipstick,
you've got your own now.
hallelujah.I am more than the
aches in my bones
& the pull of my
& the pills taste
but honesty is beautiful,
I prefer smeared eyeliner
& smudged mascara over
telling a lie.
never break a writer's heart.I lost
a l i g n e d
And I can
6:03 a.m.I was born on
a rainy Saturday
little did I know
that was the
day the Earth
cried for me.
and my impending
doom, because doctors
don't write things like
will suffer from
to alcohol, drugs
& die at a young age
on your birth certificate.
PART Ihave you ever
danced with the devil?
walked with the grim reaper
talked to Satan?
imagine my life
a thing so beautiful gone up in
that makes you feel so flames
numb and puffs of
disrupted REM smoke
out of body experience
Bipolar.I am black and white.
There is no in-between,
I am high or I am low.
I am unbalanced,
That I know for sure,
I don't know if there is a cure.
Some days I am happy,
Some days I am sad,
And sometimes I get really mad.
I try to medicate myself,
Anything to numb the emotions
That I just can't seem to understand.
My brain is broken,
It cannot be fixed.
I will never understand,
Why my feelings are so mixed.
ghostwriterhere, everyone’s pupils are dilated
and skin is stretched too tight
to expose the wind-swept spider webs
writhing beneath their porcelain composure
here, the shadows are afraid of us.
(and it is our desire
to finally come down to that place
at night, the rigid ghosts rock me to
sleep. their cardboard hearts and
inky eyes just begging to be seen
(it is only in the
darkness that I am
perceived to be more
than I am; holy
star to guide them
the current carries my name,
I have spent too little
too long on rivers that
only flow south
I vomit up saltwater and
try to remember,
Her love was bone white,
[ but never like diamonds. ]
Truth then became water to
pruning fingers and splitting lips,
while she drowned
in the mouth
of a liar like me.
i’d tell you I hated you
if you had a voice or a face,
or any sense of tangibility aside
from the spider fingers you use
to crawl through my brain
you are not beautiful, like
all the other poets protest. you
are the red in my eye, like
a pen bled; the ragged to
my fingernails, the hitch of my breath
when it catches in my throat.
before i go, i’ll write a million letters (a million
pennies for my thoughts, bitter, embedded
under my tongue) and send them to people
i’ve never met, telling them how my eyes were blue
when i was little but now are the same gray
i’m choking on, how i am maddie and how that’s short
for a name i was never graceful enough for, how
i tell myself stories of lives i’ll never live so i
can go to sleep
because when i’m really gone, that’s all that’ll be left
(it’s funny what people
try to justify with words)
you never loved me,
you selfish thing, i wonder why
i wasted so many nights relivin
regret in seven stagesi. attraction
when my negativity finally
found something beautiful,
charged up like a bipolar
thunderstorm waiting to come
(you were everything
i ever wanted and i
was entirely selfish) then
like the way our smiles blended
perfectly together and how we’d sway
to rhythms that never existed;
your eyes were a springtime day
decades before we were born and
happiness became an instinct
instead of a defense [until]
like a jail sentence worn
around the neck. spine
contorted and screaming
bound too quickly by the uns
and nots and fear you never
quite kept at bay, we were
guilty of so much but
wrongly convicted because
iv. i was not meant for this
and every tear i shed was
another prick to your heart,
my darling voodoo doll, you didn’t
decipher the warnings, oh sweetie
v. natural disasters
predictable and uncompromising,
earthquakes rent your fragile
ecosystem and floods made it
even harder to breathe.
August Lover,I want to wrap myself in your air,
hold your secrets between my
ribcage-embrace & just
I Find Strength In My StrugglesSometimes I-
I don’t think I can take it
The unrelenting pain
The never ending fights
The choked, almost silent, sobs at night
I wonder when I’ll break
My chest feels like it’s in a knot
All my emotions swimming in my eyes, running out of my nose, clogging my throat
And I cannot breathe anymore
Sometimes I think that one of these days I won’t be able to take it
That maybe I’ll just break, I’ll bend so far in ways I’m not supposed to that I’ll shatter into thousands of unrecoverable pieces
No… I remember that I am strong and these thoughts-
They slink back into a box which some part of me unlocked.
A Game Of Pretend Behind those closed doors
we escaped our realities
Yes, we were lost,
hoping never to be found.
We sat together and watched the world go to ruins
we both carried fear in our hearts,
knowing very well that our time would end
knowing of the tragedies ahead,
but in that room
we both sat
this expanse became our hidden sanctuary
somewhere across the abyss
we laughed and said this space was "the safest place there is"
Like children fighting ignorance
we both knew
as we spoke those words
in between the spaces of our laughter
that there was truth in this pretend
We prayed softy under our breaths
Curiosity had flown away
This bliss was our god given gift
and watched the world go round
We, were the forbidden children.
MirrorsI gaze into its depths in hopes of a different truth
to fill the cracks that splinter across my eyes.
I can’t make heads or tails about what lies beneath;
all I see are fragmented facts scribbled on the glass.
Bits and pieces of me scatter across the floor;
the threads between them cut and gone,
leaving me bare naked with nowhere to hide.
I stare at the imprint of myself,
and all the sins within come to the forefront.
I fall, shaking to the ground,
trying to gain my bearings against the rising tide.
Such a pity I could not gain ground in such a bitter storm,
and I have to wonder who is really to blame.
softenedthe sky whispers,
ribbons of crystalline quiet,
same shade as the angel dust
you shivered every time we were
in the darkness, we were
sorry birds searching for
open dawns. you, the
swan, me, the
black as night and
just as hopeful.
and there were poems
written in your skin, universes
blooming in your hands; your eyes
were a December sunrise saving me
from any sleep.
I’ve decided that
people are a composition of
all their greatest memories—and you,
you were always the most
beautiful piece of
yoke makes me sweatheat waves rummage
of tired skin,
like some kind
beating the sun
back down to night --
cramping stars in
the sky take away
sex burned in me.
(this doesn't make me
because at night I am
i can make you love mewriters,
do you bend in
shaking with leaves?
a sinner's devotion
or that boy
in the other aisle
(i hold your books
and stroke the pages,
they haven't arrived:
(that was forty-five
hoping no one notices
that i've read this
as i watch him
slip behind the counter
(i devised a plan to
volunteer on fridays
and trap him)
as i read
for the fifteenth
who said breathing was easy?gasp
air down the esophagus
trickling, to the lungs
winter respire chills alveoli
tried to hold my breath for a beat or two
a beat like a bird's wing flapping fire in my chest
a clawing at my ribs, broken feathered bones at the bottom
stir to rattle blood
hurts more not to
say your name
complications beep irregular rhymes
and the time ticks on methodically
like life is logical
like love keeps
waiting to inhale
forever an exhale
always leaving me empty
Wildflowers, Imperfect BirdsI breathed your name like wildflowers under vast broken skies, in wide-open spaces. The wind blowing through them spoke of dew and dirt and petrichor, and there was sunlight on the ground like a mosaic patterned by god's own hands.
I said it like a monarch claiming new land: a declaration, a butterfly breath over old earth; like it was coffee on a warm morning with the sun in my eyes, interlacing with my lashes; like it was a dream; like it was a prayer like it was a miracle wrought of air and bone and body: you, in, out, in, out, in and in and in.
I cried it out like an earthquake between lip and lip, continents that don't quite fit: your name, a fault line that doesn't know how to apologize.
And I whispered it like it had grown nothing where there should've been feathers, no wings to fly it on, like my lips were the nest it would always call home.
So I breathed it,
And I whispered it,
And I said it,
And I sang it,
Like a castle; like a mirror; like it was the big bang and ever
Cochineal and Beetle WingsI don’t love you
I was going to lead up to this. Maybe claim
there was something caught in my throat
about beetle wings, cochineal – you know,
they make that stuff out of flight. Lipstick, I mean.
I mean the truth is
I can only smile like an inferno because
something else isn’t going to be flying away.
And I was going to say I’m sorry but I’m not.
I was going to lie to you like you needed me to,
but pray tell me how to grace through three weeks I hoped
for some kind(ness) of hurricane, so we could recalculate
in the aftermath, and nobody would blame me then for judging
that we came up empty. I mean, I was going
to lie. It tripped off my tongue. I shouldn’t have
let it. I’m too weak sometimes. Couldn’t brace a hollow hulk
of sentence on my shoulders without crumbling, and
all the time you caught me when I wanted to fall
I was struggling to say:
I don’t love you anymore.
And I should end this poem but I c